10 items or less: recession indicators
tuesday, april 22, 2025
New 10 items or less…recession indicator??
Except that I always spend the most money on silly snacks when I shouldn’t be 💜 be the change you wish to see in the world etc etc
Coconut Cult Chocolate Yogurt/Mousse
$9.99 – Whole Foods, New York, NY
I feel like the woman in the old saying "You may fascinate a woman by giving her a piece of cheese" because I was #influenced to buy this expensive little yogurt on Tiktok. It certainly does have a Cult following – I’m specifically fascinated by the cult of women claiming that this yogurt is making them shit their pants. Sorry I mean heal their gut health** (Jamie Lee Curtis your impact!)
Here are the rules of Coconut Cult according to rich zoomers on Tiktok:
Only eat 1 spoonful a day or you’ll shit your pants
Only use a plastic spoon because metal spoons kill the bacteria…ok let’s put down the ChatGPT babe 💜
Double dipping also kills the bacteria. Like all of it. I guess
Don’t mix it or it ruins the texture
So I’ve broken all of these rules because that’s insane. Again, they’re taking cult quite literally here. I think the only rule that has legs is not mixing it, purely because it’s a mousse texture so it flattens the air bubbles. It is really an entertaining scroll through Coconut Cult side of Tiktok – you have to watch these women eat their first bite of it. This fancy probiotic dessert is torture for them. (It’s fine, it just tastes like sour dark chocolate.)
If three spoonfuls of this are upsetting your stomach…ladies are we eating our greens?? You gotta add some cruciferous veg into your diet. It’s no shock that I’m a big probiotic-head (see: multiple probiotic products mentioned in every post), but you have to feed the billions of organisms with fruits and veggies. Would I buy this again? Oh, no…you don’t know how badly I want to put *redacted redacted* for the price of this 8oz yogurt. but whatever that’s essentially the price of a latte. and both keep you regular! ☕️
Whole Foods Pickle Kombucha
$2.79 – Whole Foods, New York, NY
You tell me there’s pickle flavored kombucha under a cardboard box being held up by a stick and I’ll be sprinting under there. You tell me there’s pickle flavored kombucha in an unmarked van with the windows blacked out I’m hopping in. You tell me there’s pickle flavored kombucha I’m walking through a crowd of European tourists on Wall Street to the Whole Foods in FiDi.
Pickle is going to be the next Gatorade flavor MARK MY WORDS because this does remind me of Limon Pepino Gatorade (limon pepino fans rise up) but obviously with a little dill in it. It’s not super sour, and a little bit salty like a refreshing electrolyte drink. It does have kind of a strong fermented aftertaste that I don’t get in other kombuchas. We love a novelty fermented bev! 🥒
Annie’s Super Mac
$3.09 – Whole Foods, New York, NY
In this house we stan Annie 👑 and her mac is pretty much superior to every other boxed mac (Penne & 4 Cheese is the best!) I see what she’s trying to do here…of course I’m convinced that eating 90 grams of protein a day would fix my life somehow. But that’s never going to happen for me. Still, I’m impressed that if you eat half this box, you get 37g of protein. As far as eating experience…it’s not great. It’s super bland, and the texture is a bit gritty, but I’m always adding extra shredded cheese to my boxed mac anyway. The extra protein here comes from pea & whey protein, but whey already comes from milk, I wonder if it would be better without the pea?
Blackbird Plant-Based Wings KBBQ flavor
$11.99 – Brooklyn, NY
I don’t like to yuck anyone’s yum, but if this is your yum, what is your yuck?? This was absolutely one of the worst things I’ve ever put in my mouth. I don’t even have a picture of it because I think I deleted it. These are described as vegan boneless wings, made of seitan, with a “crispy exterior and tender interior.” Made of seitan? More like Made By Satan! (I’m the first person to ever make that joke about vegan meat, thank you, thank you)
It’s not the flavor – the flavor was fine. It was the texture. God awful. What’s so ironic is that for a plant-based meat, these have the exact texture I hate in REAL meat that makes me avoid it often. Like fatty, rubbery, undercooked chicken thigh. Like how I imagine it would feel to bite through a human earlobe.
The worst part – my favorite vegan frozen nugget, Nuggs, has vanished from shelves, replaced by this brand. HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE HE STOOD?
🤢🍗🐓💔💪🥒🍫🍯🤢🍗🐓💔💪🥒🍫🍯🤢🍗🐓💔💪🥒🍫🍯🤢🍗🐓💔
10 bullet points or less:
when will nuggs return from war 😭😭😭😭
i’m probioticmaxxing
why does land o’lakes have the cheapest eggs rn?
does a recession just mean the rest of the country is as expensive as nyc
considering going to ikea just to buy groceries
me buying $10 yogurt😇🤪
me buying $1.99 can of beans😡😖