10 items or less: erryone's at erewhon
hands off gabriela
a couple months ago I visited my best friend Summer in LA and never posted about it!! it was my first time back in California in 6 years, and the only things I wanted to do were: eat Mexican food, go to Universal Studios, and get Erewhon smoothie ✅
when I lived in LA briefly in college, I’d never heard of Erewhon. but in the past few years, I’ve seen more and more “come with meeee” tiktoks to buy a single strawberry for $18, a raw cinnamon roll, sea moss gel, and all the other normal products you buy on your weekly grocery trip. and if you forgot to bring your reusable grocery bag from home, don’t worry, you can get a plain canvas shopper that says EREWHON for only $60. eat the rich! and drink their smoothies!
Lard Lad Donut
$10.99 - Universal Studios
But before Erewhon! Check out this massive family-size donut from The Simpsons part of Universal Studios. It was really good, tasted exactly how you’d think a big pink frosted sprinkle donut should taste. Not to be like “this is not a veggie sandwich” but I wish you could get a regular size donut from here……California has the best donuts. Summer and I got through about half of it anyway.
walk into erewhon with this and you’ll be executed, probably.
KATSEYE Gabriela Smoothie
$22
goes to erewhon, gets the smoothie with the most sugar. With cherries and mango and pineapple and dates and honey, this was super sweet, but like, what can I say? Of course it was good. Of course I’ll never buy it again, but life is short. We waited probably 25 minutes for these smoothies after we paid, which is fine in LA because it’s 80 degrees and nobody has anywhere to go anyway. I hope they get paid a lot at the Erewhon smoothie bar. When I was a barista, the worst part of the job was making frapuccinos, so I can’t imagine doing that for eight hours straight on a busy shift.
and uhh justice for manon!
So, I didn’t actually buy anything at Erewhon, because, well - rich people are boring! So much of their in-house packaged food is extremely basic, like dried fruit, granola, kale chips, and this $16 chicken soup. Stuff you can make at home easily, probably with more seasoning, or that you can buy at Whole Foods for cheaper.
but here’s a couple other silly things I saw!
I know they probably sell raw milk in NYC but I don’t want to think about my beautiful city of Mamdanistan in this way…I have a cool idea…..what if you boiled the raw milk at 161° for 15 seconds before you drank it……
This vegan egg is so beautiful to me and realistically the type of thing I would pay $9 for out of curiosity.
Girl Scout Cookies in my bag because you know I keep that thing on me!!
“LA’s hottest club is erewhon. it has everything. dubai chocolate magnesium supplements, 32oz mason jar of raw brothless bones, nepo dogs in purses, ozempic spiders,”
“what’s an ozempic spider?”
“it’s when 4 skinny people huddle together for warmth under a linen poncho while they share a smoothie”
10 bullet points or less:
anyway i do love my homeland california
don’t drink raw milk
why is LAX so far away from where my friend lives
i’m so glad we don’t have waymos and delivery robots in nyc