10 items or less: that’s that me espresso
6/24/24
One of my favorite things to do is walk 2.5 miles to the mall and get a treat like Auntie Anne’s pretzel bites or boba tea or a donut (shoutout Doughnut Plant). It’s especially fun on a weekday when everyone else is at their “jobs” and kids are still in school. So this week features stuff I found at Target that I can’t find at my local grocers! Weird anecdote – one of the last times I went to Atlantic Center, they had extra security at all the entrances and they weren’t allowing anyone in under 18 without a parent/guardian. What was that all about? Too many kids getting chemical burns at the Sephora? Maybe if you had some chairs and tables to sit down, teens wouldn’t be messing around in the stores or whatever, but sure, let’s get rid of every third space and let all the kids get brainrot on 4chan. Anyway, groceries…
Dr. Pepper Creamy Coconut
$2.69 – Target, Brooklyn, NY
I’ll preface this by saying I don’t really like Dr. Pepper – it’s always tasted like drinking liquid birthday cake to me, and I’ve always been more of a solid birthday cake person. But I’ve been hearing (maybe from this Sporked tiktok?) that this flavor is so good, it could turn me. I love coconut flavored things, and I don’t even mind the “sunscreen” flavor. Sunscreen is great for you! The smell of this is like pure coconut extract, and the taste isn’t far off. It’s actually like drinking a liquid coconut Quadratini, you know those little wafer cookies? It is pretty good, but I think I’d still rather just eat a cookie. While it didn’t turn me, I do keep going back to my fridge to take a couple sips and see if I still like it.
Target Dark Chocolate Espresso Trail Mix
$5.49 – Target, Brooklyn, NY
🎶That’s that me espressooo.🎶 Target should be served papers for what they’re calling trail mix, but they’re also servinggg with this one. Here’s what you get in the me-espresso trail mix: dark chocolate covered almonds and coffee beans, praline bits, chocolate chips, hazelnuts, and pecans. Adding the chocolate chips in there is funny to me, clearly just for volume, because it doesn’t need any more chocolate. Some of the other trail mix options in the same aisle are churro, ice cream sundae, and s’mores. I love your minds, product developers at Target. This is a great almond-mom dessert, and probably would be very fun to bring on a road trip!
Lesser Evil Interstellar Cheddar Space Balls
$4.59 – Brooklyn, NY
To be honest I’ve bought these before but never looked at the brand name? Like ok food has no moral value but go off… these are veganorganicglutenfreenonGMO little balls of nothing, and I love a nothing snack. I love sitting down with a rice cakes, Pirate’s Booty, veggie sticks type snack purely for the texture and housing the whole bag. These little puffs have a nice saltiness without the cheesy coating that gets stuck to your fingers, and if you happen to be vegan/gluten free, these would be a great nothing-snack option!
Cheez-It Extra Toasty
$4.59 – Key Food, Brooklyn, NY
I’ve always been an extra toasty Cheez-It lover, I was the kid sticking my hand around the bag trying to find the darkest one. When Cheez-It officially came out with the Extra Toasty, I had a moment of sonder – the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. And we all craved the Extra Toasty. But now that I’ve had so many boxes of Extra Toasty, I still find myself searching the bag for the toastiest toasty. Is the magic of the Extra Toasty Cheez-It lost?
Star Wars™ Oreos
$4.00 – Target, Brooklyn, NY
Can anyone tell me why in the year of our lord 2024 there’s an Oreo package with young Mark Hamill on it? I guess there’s blue or red cream inside with “kyber inspired sugar crystals.” If you’re good or evil or whatever. Gotta make sure George Lucas has some walking around money. Where’s the purple one for [Samuel L. Jackson character name]? I tried to go to the Oreo website to read their copy but the website looked like this so I gave up:
10 bullet points or less:
star wars this marvel that text me when there’s a SCHOOL OF ROCK oreo
girl who thinks almond mom is a mom who loves almonds
hot dog trail mix: slim jims, mustard pretzels, ketchup chips, pickle peanuts, raisins, m&ms
can someone in california check if the extra toasty cheez itz packaging has a prop 65 warning