10 items or less: pickle roulette
monday, june 17, 2024
Will we ever reach 10 items in a single post on this blog? Probably not until I have a source of income again. Short but sweet, starting off with a road trip!
Star Market Cookies & Cream Parfait Cup
$2.99 – Star Market, Boston, MA
I Made My BOYFRIEND Drive Me 5 HOURS To MASSACHUSETTS To Get FUDGE CUP? Clickbait title of my youtube video if this was a youtube video. Anyway, we were in Massachusetts and had to go to a grocery store so like…I had to get this. When I lived in Boston, I would get one of these as a treat maybe once a week, and I always call it Fudge Cup no matter the flavor. First off, parfait is a weird name for it – doesn’t a parfait usually involve yogurt, granola, fruit, etc? The first two ingredients of the Star Market parfait cup are high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated vegetable oil. I’m obsessed with it. Unfortunately, they didn’t have my favorite flavor (fudge), but cookies & cream is a suitable replacement. It has that purely vegetable oil flavored, sickly sweet frosting that you only find in grocery store cake. It’s perfect, 10/10, no notes.
Sour Punch Bites Pickle Roulette
$4.99 – Fferins of Brooklyn, Brooklyn, NY
It seems like every brand is trying a pickle flavor now: pickle jelly beans, pickle ketchup, even pickle gummy vitamins? And as a pickle lover, I would/will try any of them I can get my hands on. So this is my message to the Sour Punch brand: I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding about why consumers are buying a pickle flavored candy. The pickle is not a punishment. It’s not like a vomit-flavored Beanboozled. We crave the pickle. I’d say that 1 in 10 Sour Punch Bites in this roulette bag is pickle flavored, and when you do find one, you’re like, was that it? Oh, yeah, there’s a little dill flavor. Give us a whole bag of pickles, Sour Punch. The word pickle has lost all meaning to me now. Pickle.
Olipop x Barbie Peaches & Cream
$2.99 – Brooklyn, NY
So we all agree, this soda was supposed to come out last summer, right? Well, according to Olipop, summer 2k24 is the summer of Barbie! Just the doll this time, not the movie. Greta Gerwig will not be cut her check for this collaboration. When it first launched, this flavor was reportedly outselling eggs, and I understand why, because this is absolutely the best flavor of Olipop. It tastes exactly like carbonated peach Jell-o (the best Jell-o flavor.) Sometimes it feels literally impossible to be a prebiotic soda…because you have to taste good, but not too good. You have to have some fiber, but not too little or you’ll get sued. I’m so tired of watching every prebiotic soda tie herself in knots so that people will like her, you know?
Minor Figures Barista Blend Oat Milk
$5.99 – Brooklyn, NY
Do I buy this brand of oat milk because I think I look like the bird girl on the box? Perhaps. If I bought a Big Bird costume and wore it for Halloween, would you recognize me as the minor figures girl? You tell me. I’m kind of a milky coffee hater/black coffee devotee, but I do crave a nice oat milk latte sometimes. I use a Breville Barista Express espresso machine + local beans to make some pretty good espresso and very decently frothed milk, sometimes with a little honey and vanilla! See above: my latte art skills are rusty, or like, nonexistent because I was trained for quantity over quality at St*rbucks. Clearly, it’s a vase…mushroom…potion bottle…rorschach test…
10 bullet points or less:
pickle flavored olipop when?
i can’t say “black coffee supremacist” but like. what if it’s supreme
a million viral desserts in nyc but all i want is fudge cup……
who’s your brand mascot twin?
i love minor figures! i think the foaming capability of their barista grade is in the top 3 for current oat milks on the market.